Staying Alive*

While in Baguio for a conference last month, I was billeted in a cottage located at Teachers Camp. It was a quaint abode built during the American occupation. The experience of staying there for two days and a night was made more meaningful by the presence of a dear friend, Jocelyn “Jolad” Ladlad. I had not seen her in a long while. As things go with friends who’ve been apart, the catching up on each other’s lives went way into the wee hours of the morning.

Last December 2010, we briefly saw each other in another professional gathering. We exchanged hellos and beso-beso but we didn’t get the chance to even have coffee. She was, at the time, undergoing chemotherapy. The pink bandana she wore on her head matched her baby pink blouse and white slacks. Of course, the ever-present hoop earrings, bangles and the effervescent smile completed the act. Her disposition belied the struggle with ovarian cancer.

After five months, she’s on her way to recovery. Her hair has grown back and the color on her cheeks portends good health on its way. In fact, she has made travel plans to the US this June.

I am so happy for my friend to have survived cancer. Some would call it a miracle. Jolad called it God’s presence in her life. Never did she question God at the onset of the disease. Her constant prayer was for God to help her find the means to sustain the expenses necessary for medication and healing. God provided her with the money and much more! Her old, severed relationships were mended and the moral support had been aplenty. Neither was she afraid to die. Being single, she believes that the life she’s been given is peppered with blessings and seasoned with graces. 

To this day, I marvel at her strength of character and steadfast faith. What could stop this woman? Nothing and no one can because she has surrendered everything to God.

I look at myself in light of my friend’s experience. In spite of the countless spiritual formations, I still hold on to many worldly attachments and useless fears. I am not ready to die. I am not ready to let go. This life is too important for me to surrender to a God who loves me and gives me the freedom to use my own will.

Yet, I decide to stay. I am staying alive in Magis Deo in the hope that, in every spiritual growth activity, in every prayer meeting, service and ministry work I do, I could come to terms with myself and the demons that drive me away from my God.

*For the June issue of the Magis Deo Newsletter